I know I’ve been rather insane lately. To be honest, I’m not sure I was being rational about things.  I was living under conditions that I perhaps suggested to myself existed.  For the time being, living not in reality was preferable to living with the pain.  In retrospect I was only postponing the inevitable – now I get to deal with it.  I also get to deal with all the distance that’s been driven between me and everyone else because of it.  Although I can’t deal with that alone – part of that is the responsibility of those distanced from me.  I can’t control what other people want or think.  If I could, I’d be in a different place now.  Regardless, things happen – I made them happen this time…other people are involved and I know one of them had good intentions because they genuinely care – the other person I want nothing to do with ever again – they’ve been erased from my life.  I’d love to choke the shit out of them for what they did out of pure malice, but I won’t, because karma’s a bitch and there’s a special strain of herpes out there with their name on it – the gift that keeps on giving. 

I know I’ve done some damage, Steph.  I know what I need to do.  It’s going to hurt, but if it means we can still have a friendship, I’ll do it for you…and for both of us.  I just don’t want to hurt either of us doing it.  I need to move on, and I’m going to atleast put some effort into it.

 I just really don’t know what to do.  This is the hardest thing ever.  I hate myself for doing what I did.  For what it’s worth (if anything), I’m sorry.